Imagine, If You Will...
by Purple Lavabo
Summary: Vegeta is a...secret agent? What in the world?! What could he possibly be looking for? Read and find out! Reposted with a few minor adjustments.


Imagine, If You Will...  
(A story about Vegeta. Please, however, do not take any of this story literally. This was written...again...out of pure and utter enjoyment. Sarah and I do NOT think this about Vegeta. All things that happen here are false and we know Vegeta would NEVER do stuff like this, well, as far as we know at least. Whatever you choose to do on your own time is none of our business. Now, on with the show! Wait, I mean I don't own DBZ either!)  
  
Note: Vegeta is so MAJORLY out of character! But, that's where the humor comes in!  
  
  
Vegeta, the Prince of all Saiya-Jins. Not too bright, but he does have his moments. This, my friends, was not one of them. Vegeta was hiding in the bushes, surveying Capsule Corp from a distance. His hands got tired from holding them over his eyes for binoculars, so he uncupped them and put them down. Indeed, he looked very suave in his black penguin tuxedo, top hat, and Zorro mask he stole from the TV studio. As he watched the last light in Capsule Corp go out, he decided to make his move. Vegeta then made a swan dive out of the bushes and landed behind a two-inch wide lamppost, completely concealed from view. He peeked out from behind the lamp, but only his head appeared. Then he started to do a series of cartwheels across the lawn towards a tree, which was only about two feet away from where he was. He ended up going right past it. Once he stood up and realized where he was, he ran back to the tree and hid behind it, trying to look cool. Despite the fact that there was no one around to impress. Without warning, he immediately ducked down and pulled the grass over his head, and crawled underneath it while singing a soft tune to himself.   
  
"I'm too sexy for my mask, too sexy for my mask...too sexy..yeah!" As he was about to whip off his mask, he suddenly realized he still needed it. Even though anyone in their right minds would recognize him by his exceedingly big hair. After moments of crawling under the grass, Vegeta soon emerged in the flowerbed. Vegeta then proceeded to shake his head like a dog to remove the dirt from his hair, only to find a petunia stuck in each of his ears. As soon as he pulled the flowers out of his ears, he shoved a hand under the foundation of Capsule Corp and lifted the house up at the corner. Inside the house, Gohan awoke upon finding himself falling out of bed from the building suddenly tilting.   
  
"Oh my God! It's an earthquake!" Gohan cried out frantically. Hearing Gohan's sudden cry, Vegeta reached into his holster to get his gun, but instead pulled out his trusty peashooter.   
  
"Damn it! Kakarot must have been playing with my toys again! I'm gonna tell Chichi on him!" he whined. "Oh well." Using his free hand, Vegeta loaded a pea to the peashooter and brought it to his lips. Then, using skills from practicing on Buu, he knocked Gohan on the head with his deadly aim. Suddenly, Gohan's cries changed to,   
  
"I'm a Namek! I'm a Namek!" as he stumbled over to the window and threw himself out of it, landing with a big kaboom. "Whoa...hey, what's that word for pain again? Oh yeah...OW..." and with that, he fell unconscious. Satisfied, Vegeta progressed into Capsule Corp, dropping it once inside.   
  
"Woo! All that sneaking and pea shooting got me hungry! Time for a snack!" so he headed to the large kitchen. After feeling around in the dark, his hand fell on something cold and hard that was on the counter. "Oh! Bulma must have left a turkey leg out for me! She's so sweet..." he sighed contentedly as he brought what he thought to be a turkey leg to his mouth, taking a large bite. CHOMP! "OW!!!!!" he howled in pain. "Evil female dog! When I see her next time she's gonna get apiece of MY mind! Or a piece of something else...Mwahahahaha..." he chuckled to himself. Squinting his eyes, he tried to get a look at what he was attempting to eat. Sitting there and squinting for ten minutes, he finally concluded that it was his gun he had forgotten on the kitchen counter. "So THAT'S where I left it! ...Sorry Bulma! I love you sugarpea! ...Oh God, I'm turning into Hercule..." Vegeta considered shooting himself right then and there, but then his mission would have been in vain.   
  
("What IS his mission you ask? We have no idea, so don't ask us.") Vegeta then turns to the non-existing camera.   
  
"Well, don't ask ME! This mission is TOP SECRET!" he bellowed, then muttered under his breath, "So top secret I don't even know..."  
  
Feeling the wall, his fingers trailed across the light switch.   
  
("No, it was NOT another gun...so SHUT UP AND LET US TELL THE STORY!") Flicking the switch, the kitchen was then illuminated in a bright light. Once the light was on, Vegeta saw a doughnut sitting on the table.   
  
"Ooh! Yummy!" he squealed in delight as he raced over to grab it. Since his eyes still hadn't adjusted to the light, he attempted to shove the doughnut in his mouth, only to find it shoved into his nose, the crème filling splattering all over his face and hair. "Aw man..." he complained as he stuck his head under the sink. "...Now I have to take this suit to the laundry mat to get it cleaned...'cause I can't wash clothes...I'm such a terrible housewife...Bad Veggie! Bad Veggie!" Finally, he finished cleaning himself up. Continuing his top-secret mission, Vegeta headed out to the hallway, only to find Gohan wandering the halls aimlessly. Thinking fast, Vegeta dove under the hall rug, poking his head out to observe Gohan, who was frantically rubbing grass all over himself.  
  
"Damn it! I'm a Namek! Hey, that rhymes...I mean, how dare they color my skin this disgusting human color! It's absurd! I mean, it's bad enough they had to ruin that hunky guy Vegeta by painting him that awful color, but did they REALLY have to do that to me too?" he complained to himself. Disgusted by what he heard, Vegeta decided it was time to take action. So, he dove back under the rug, and started crawling, but stopped abruptly when he heard Gohan's footsteps coming his way. "I am a Namek, I see and hear all!" he claimed as he walked all over Vegeta, who was now yelping in pain. "Now...where'd my room go? It was here just a minute ago! Oh bedroom? Where are you?" he called as he walked down the halls. "Why am I moving so slow? Oh! I know!" Gohan quickly sat on the ground and curled up into a ball and started rolling down the halls. "I'm Sonic the Namek! I'm Sonic the Namek! ...Wait! If I'm Sonic, I'm supposed to be blue! But I'm a Namek, I must be green! Oh, the humanity!" he stopped rolling and stood back up, and slammed his head into a wall. Then he changed directions and did a Superman dive into the bathroom, slamming the door behind him. After moments of whimpering, Vegeta continued on underneath the rug. Once he reached the end of the rug, he continued crawling...and it soon became obvious that he was only on his tiptoes and fingertips, making little tinkling sounds as he moved.   
  
("No, he is NOT going to the bathroom! I KNOW what you're thinking, I can read your mind just like Miss Cleo, only better! In fact, I can read your mind like yesterday's magazine! Even though I didn't read-..aw screw it, I quit. Anyhow...") Once at the corner of the hallway, Vegeta shot up and plastered himself against the wall, singing softly to himself,  
"Secret...AGENT man...secret...AGENT man!" He then did a summersault across the hall and slid up the opposite wall again. "Whoa! Dude, that rhymes!"  
  
("Um...Vegeta, you weren't talking...it was an action..") Vegeta then eyed the narrators.   
  
"So!? I'm the main character of this story!"  
  
("You won't be for long if you keep this up! We could always have Gohan take the leading role!" The narrators then zoom in on Gohan.) Gohan was in the bathroom, attempting the Yoga position on the toilet seat. But, he ended up getting tangled in his Namek cape thingy, and he was twisted up like a pretzel.  
  
"Damn it! How does Piccolo do this!?" he complained as his bath towel turban slid over to one side of his head. Vegeta, who was watching this through the non-existent camera, turned to the narrators.   
  
"On second thought...I'll behave."   
  
(The narrators gave Vegeta a satisfied smirk. "We thought so...now, on with the story!") Now Vegeta yanked out his gun and held it at chest level, peering around the corner. He started singing the Mission Impossible music under his breath.   
  
"Dun dun...dundana dun dun..." All of a sudden he leaped out and pointed the gun at the end of the hallway, yelling out, "DUNANA! DUNANA!" and he tripped over Gohan's rubber ducky, landing flat on his face. "Dun dun..." he mumbled into the rug. Getting back to his feet, he turned around and did a series of backflips down the hallway, ending with some ballerina steps, all the while making up his own theme song music.   
  
("Which sounds surprisingly similar to Swan Lake...") Vegeta then glared at the narrators and pointed his gun at them. ("Sorry! Sorry! We were just kidding!") He then put his gun away and turned around. (The narrators mumble under their breath, "Not...") Finally, he had reached his destination: Bulma's room. ("No, he did not go there to molest her...right?") Vegeta turned to them.   
  
"That is correct."  
  
("Okay then, just checking." The narrators eyed him suspiciously as the story continued.) The door was open, so he closed it and grabbed a bobby pin out of Sarah's hair. (Sweatdrops formed on the narrator's heads.)   
  
"...What? I'm just trying to make it interesting!" he told them.   
  
("Well, you're certainly doing just that...proceed.") Vegeta then started to pick at the lock with the pin. And the only thing he accomplished was pushing the door back open.   
("Considering the door was never locked at any point at all in this story." They both grinned evilly.) Vegeta ignored them and proceeded inside the room. He took out four plunger cups he stole from all the bathrooms before going outside to commence this unrelenting mission. Once he finished tying them to his hands and feet with pull-'n-peel twizzlers, he jumped up onto the ceiling and hung there. (The narrators added on to the end of that sentence, "Like the Spiderman wannabe he is!") Vegeta decided again to ignore them, cursing himself for not remembering the Spiderman theme music. He started to crawl across the ceiling, making suction noises while doing so. (While the narrators are laughing hysterically at him.) Getting angry, Vegeta pulled out his gun and threw it at their heads.   
  
"Be quiet! You're gonna wake her up!" he shouted, then he clamped his hand over his mouth, almost suffocating himself with the plunger cup. He ended up falling off the ceiling while trying to get the plunger cup off his face. He soon succeeded, making a loud popping noise as he did so, leaving a red circle around his mouth.   
  
("Now it looks like you've been drinking, Veggie! Been hittin' the bottle? Sneakin' into the ol' liquor cabinet again?" and they double over laughing.) Vegeta, not wanting to wake up Bulma, decided to just stick his tongue out and put his thumbs in his ears, wiggling his hands back and forth while whispering in a high pitched squeaky voice,  
  
"Neener neener neener!" (This brought up another roar of laughter from the narrators.) Giving up the fight, Vegeta headed toward the closet.   
  
("Yeah, that's right! You gave up 'cause you KNOW yer gonna lose!") Again, like always, he ignored them. (The narrators didn't seem to mind.) Vegeta opened the closet doors, and began a never ending search through Bulma's shoe boxes, seeing as her collection of shoes takes up the whole west wing of Capsule Corp. ("But, let's skip the never ending part and just get to end!") Vegeta turned to the narrators and gave them a weird look, but shrugged his shoulders and immediately located the correct box. He opened it triumphantly and pulled out a pair of Nike sneakers, digging into the laces.   
  
"Ah HA!" he crowed as he pulled out his treasure...the one thing he had been searching for...the main reason for this incessant blabbering...a pink jellybean! "My precious! My beauty! At last I have found you!" he cooed to the bean as he stroked it lovingly. "Now I gotcha...and now I'm gonna eat ya!" he sang as he tossed the jellybean into the air, opening his mouth wide. As it was about to land in his mouth, someone tapped Vegeta on the shoulder, causing him to choke on the jellybean as it landed in his throat. He frantically punched his chest, attempting to give himself the Heimlich maneuver. He did end up getting it out, landing on the floor. "What the %$#$!? Now it's contaminated! Who the hell are you!?" Vegeta whipped his head around, only to be caught in the icy glare of the snow demon that is Bulma.   
(The narrators cower in fear for aiding and abetting Vegeta in his mission.) "Ack! Bulma! How did you know I was here!?"   
  
"First off, this is my room...second, I could hear you singing your theme music outside my door...and third, Gohan came in my room earlier calling himself a Namek and asking why he wasn't green anymore." She sighed, then glared at him again. "And just WHAT do you think you're doing, Vegeta?" Bulma demanded.   
  
"Um...err...I was...painting my toenails?" He quickly pulled out a can of red paint and began to paint his nails.   
  
("Nice Veggie...that question mark was SO reassuring...") Bulma shot them an angry glance. ("Sorry! Sorry!" they both went back to their cowering.) Bulma returned her attention back to Vegeta, whose hands and feet were covered in red paint.   
  
"Vegeta, you know I put you on a diet and told you no sweets!" Vegeta dared not fight back with Bulma, so he stood up and hung his head in shame, and left her room to go get some non-fat plain yogurt. All the while mumbling how much he hated her.   
  
"I love you too, Vegeta," she called after him with a smirk. "Now go to bed!" Vegeta growled and headed to the bathroom, putting on his pink bunny pajamas and mumbling obscenities before falling asleep. Just then, Gohan walked up to the narrators.   
  
"It was YOU, wasn't it!? I'm a NAMEK!"  
  
("Eep..." The narrators run away, screaming in fear.)  
  
THE END!! 


End file.
